Life at the moment..

I'm at that point in my life where, I feel I'm ready to find the right man. I feel like I'm ready to settle down and eventually start a family. However, at the same time, I feel like I can't have a family, that my career should come first, and once I've accomplished what I've wanted to accomplish, that only then am I able to settle down, and start a family. But then I have fears, fears that once I do find a man, he'll end up being like all the others...he'll lie, cheat, and never truly care for me. See and here is where a whole other problem arises...I've realized that I do already care for a man, whom I do trust, and who I feel knows me better than any other, but he doesn't feel the same...and all I can do is respect that. But honestly its difficult, especially when your entire family feels the same about him. But then, I argue with myself...telling myself it wouldnt work out anyway. For starters we're way too far apart from one another, and well, to be able to fully trust someone, I need to know everything, and communicate about everything, and this is one thing he lacks...communication about the things I'd want to talk about most, he simply wouldnt.

And then, I tell myself that maybe I dont really love him, I just think that I do, because the situation seems somewhat convenient...I trust him...I know him fairly well...he knows me inside and out...my family loves him...they wish I'd be with him...and well I've known him for 7 years now. But no matter how I try to move on, he remains in the back of my mind...and I feel that no matter what in the end we will be together. My problem is...I dont want to have to go through any other "potentials" when I feel I've already found him...I dont wanna have to go through more assholes, liars, and heartaches...

I simply feel ready...ready to have that special someone love me more than I could have ever imagined, who will take care of me, whether I want him to or not, who will treat me and love me and care for me in a way that I simply couldnt even imagine...regardless...i do realize that just because I feel ready, doesnt mean its the right time. Because to be honest, it really isn't. I'll be finishing up my last year of school...and then having to start a new chapter, it'd simply be too much stress, that and, I would be afraid that it would cloud my judgment when making important lifelong decisions...so for now...i just need to stop "feeling ready" and wanting something that, wouldnt be best for me right now...why does life have to feel so complicated and complex at times lol...